Caretaking Exhaustion or Discomfort? Brenda Hoffman, 16 April 2024

Dear Ones,

Your life is changing in ways you did not anticipate. You are discovering that you are different than you thought you were or would be. There’s a feeling of rightness, yet it’s sharper than you anticipated. You, the caretaker, are becoming discerning, something you are not used to.

Even though you are changing, those you caretake are not necessarily letting go easily. “I need you” is their cry in words and actions. So, you often feel torn between your former caretaking role and your current need for independence. It is not an easy place to be.

Those who demand you caretake them do so because it is easier than finding their strengths. Of course, there are times when others, including you, need physical caretaking. But those times are much less frequent than you assume.

Isn’t it easier to have someone provide you with what you wish? So it is for those you care for.

That is unless you find the balance that allows you the freedom to be and provides those who demand your caretaking skills with the basics, including the love you feel for them.

Some of you claim you have no ties to or love for the person you are caring for. We of the Universes beg to differ. You would not be in their orbit or frequency if you did not have a heart attachment.

Of course, there are love-based relationships enacted in rage or anger. But at this point in your transition, you would exit any relationship that required pretending to care if you disliked that person.

Some proclaim you continue such a relationship even though you have no love for that being. If this is so, perhaps you need to ask yourself why? Does your love of human life, fear, payback, or similar emotions force you to continue that caretaking role? Or is it fear that you will have to depend on your transition skills to create a new life if you change or exit that relationship?

Caretaking another so they do not need to expand their skills or interests because you provide all they think they need is not helpful for either of you.

This is a time of expansion. Many, if not most, of you, acknowledged new pieces of your being that encouraged you to move forward into a new life. This life does not include caretaking others to the point that you have become their servant, fulfilling their expectations despite abilities they have not yet felt the need to develop.

Of course, you believe you are merely doing what needs to be done. But is that accurate? Do you wake up every morning excited to provide the services to others you have become accustomed to? Or are you discovering that waking up to that regimen is becoming less pleasant and more tedious – even exhausting?

It is time to create a win/win for both of you. If you wish to help that being in love, create the resources that provide the care they need and the freedom you long for.

Implement your new skills. Create an environment that is correct for both of you. Home care? Daycare? Treatment? Education? New environment? Independence?

What will change your relationship from caretaking to independence for you both? Not necessarily from one another, but independence from waking up to a day of caretaking?

What if the person you are caretaking is unwilling to care for themselves? How do you push them out of the nest? The first question must be, “Do you want to push them out of the nest?” At what point are you sacrificing yourself to care for someone who refuses to care for themselves? Why are you doing that? Is it because it feels right, or do you feel you should? And if you think you should caretake that person even if they are not willing or unable to care for themselves, what do you need to create to free yourself from that prison?

You suffered, complained, and worried in the past, most often in silence, because that was how it was supposed to be. Those social rules no longer apply. What could you create to free yourself emotionally and physically from that caretaking burden?

Many of you are now visualizing yourself as a bad person for even thinking of creating enough resources to enable that person you caretake the freedom to be, as well as yourself. If you created a new environment, financial resources, or different emotional ties, would that provide freedom for both of you? Or are you more comfortable than you realize in your current situation?

You have new skills; use them.

You will not be a bad, selfish, or mean person for freeing both of you in whatever way feels most right. Even though his or her life will expand when you do so, the being you are caretaking will fight that freedom because they will have to change. And change, even for the better, is often difficult for humans. For example, if you dread caring for another being, you have forgotten the new creation skills you have not yet used.

Allow yourself to be. The person you are caring for will adjust as necessary – and likely expand their life once you let go of the familiar and expected. So be it. Amen.

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